In Defense of Fake Food

Something for your Friday morning guffaws, from an article entitled: If five portions a day are so good, how come rabbits and slugs are so stupid? Read Stewart Lee’s masterful piece in The Guardian.

The German E coli bean sprout scandal offers damning evidence that all fruits and vegetables are dirty beyond reason, toxic timebombs that have secreted themselves at the very heart of global cuisine in the form of trusted dietary staples. Yet government food eggheads continue to bray from their state-sterilised laboratories, demanding that we eat at least five portions of the crusty filth a day.


What actual evidence is there for the benefits of vegetables, the worms of the food world, scrabbling in the dirt, or of fruits, hanging limply from branches, like plastic bags full of dog excrement hurled into the trees of an East Anglian layby?




  1. Did you see the article last week ranking the ten most tainted fruit and veg? I think it was in NZ. Celery was the worst offender. Highest spray residues.

    • Hi Abbie,
      Thanks for mentioning this. I know there is an organisation in NZ that put out a list of worst fruits & veg each year. I shall track it down. Celery always does rate quite high but I’m curious to know if it’s because of a major pest problem or if the percentage of water it holds allows for really high residue-hold. Any thoughts?

      ~ Anna